Crais
muses again, this time it is a cycle after StarBurst in the Command Carrier.
Alone
By
GitonCrais
It
had been an entire cycle since they had StarBurst from inside the Command
Carrier, Talyn and Crais had been on their own, truly on their own. No Moya, no
Moya crew.
Three
cycles ago Crais would have welcomed the situation, two cycles even. He could
have used their aid one cycle ago.
Talyn
had been looking for Moya but had found no signs. Crais wasn’t even sure
whether they were still in the same universe any longer.
It
was strange to be thinking of the Moya crew today. Although not for the first
time in the last cycle, it seemed to make him more reflective now. He couldn’t
understand why. There had been no reason for it. He gave up trying to find one.
He
wondered how they were getting on, if they were still alive and had their plan
worked. Or had his and Talyn’s sacrifice been in vain?
He
wondered whether Crichton was still dictating to the others, right or wrong,
wrong most likely.
The
John Crichton, who had been left on Moya, had mistrusted him right up to the
end. Crais believed that had it been the other Crichton, they would have at
least parted as comrades.
Aeryn
had surprised him. She knew immediately what Crais had wanted to do and had
seen the necessity of it. She knew that their chances of surviving StarBurst
within the Command Carrier would have been marginal at the very least. Yet, she
went ahead with the plan, had assisted him in regaining control over Talyn. She
of all people wouldn’t deny him and Talyn a heroes’ death.
She
had patted his cheek, her eyes slightly moist. He could still feel her light
touch. He could still see her move away before he boarded Talyn. Would she have
been looking for them?
Talyn’s thoughts
Talyn
felt saddened for Crais when he could feel how Crais engaged privacy mode. He had
been doing it more often lately. His reflective moods always left him a little
bit more depressed. And the little gunship feared for his… friend’s… sanity.
They
had been alone for so long. They missed the others. Talyn missed his mother. He
missed the songs of other Leviathans. Space felt empty without them.
For
a while, they had been elated and couldn’t believe their luck that they had
made it out alive. Even the pain of healing couldn’t take that feeling away.
Until
they realized they were not in known space, they could not hear the sounds they
were accustomed to. They were on their own.
Talyn
used his long-range scanners. He had to find the others.
Crais continues
Crais
and Talyn had only assumed that the destruction of the Command Carrier had been
at least a partial success. The data-logs showed the beginning of the
destruction when they moved forward into StarBurst. They had no way of knowing
whether it had been a full success.
Their
StarBurst had not been without pain or injury to both Talyn and Crais. It had
also thrown them into completely unknown territory. When they regained
awareness, the data-logs didn’t show any coherent information about their
entering StarBurst or their current location.
Healing
had taken a while for both Captain and ship. At least Talyn had lost his
aggressiveness in the process.
Talyn
had been mournful when he couldn’t detect Moya, or any other Leviathans for
that matter. They had no way of knowing whether they were travelling toward
known space or travelling deeper into the unknown and further away from it.
Crais
had to barter for food, medicines and supplies in sign language since no one on
the planets he visited carried translator microbes. He was surprised to find
many species similar to Sebaceans but, judging from the language, obviously
were not. His credits had been useless and trading was done by the exchange of
goods and services.
On
other planets, he had to forage for his own food and water or had to resort to
stealing.
Crais
sighed and stretched out on the recliner in Command, placing his hands under
his head.
It
was at times like this that he missed the Moya crew and known space. Even
hearing a wanted beacon in Sebacean would have been welcome.
The
inhabited planets in this part of space were further apart from each other than
in the Uncharted Territories. Space travel had not developed on all planets and
Crais had to be careful when visiting the planets. It only added to his
weariness.
Determined
to make his way, he had Talyn scan the planets before going down. He had tried
to work out some of the languages spoken to at least trade with them. He needed
to survive.
It
was on days like these that he missed the Moya crew the most.
Talyn
and he had been on their own for a long time and had always believed that their
own thoughts had been enough to compensate each other’s loneliness. It wasn’t.
He realized this now. After being deprived for so long of others who either
were injected by translator microbes or spoke Sebacean, it made him realise how
alone and lonely they were.
His
thoughts drifted to the ones they had left behind.
Zhaan,
the beautiful Zhaan, had been no longer with them. Somehow, he had felt a
kinship with her. Maybe because he had the feeling that she understood him,
judged him less than the others. Maybe that had been wistful thinking on his
part. Yet, he missed her.
He
still found it hard to think fondly of Stark. The man’s incessant chattering
and preoccupation with death had more than often been driving him to
distraction. His concealed threat to expose the presumed “secret” had not
helped to endear him in Crais’ mind.
On
the other hand, Rygel, the misplaced Dominar, had gained respect in Crais’
mind. He was able to understand Rygel’s greed, his deviousness to survive, and
his negotiation skills. Some looked at the little displaced ruler as a matter
of ridicule but Crais had recognized the erudite mind behind the strange little
face. For a long time he had hated Hynerians, due to his early campaigns. He
would probably still have hated them if it hadn’t been for Rygel. The Dominar
had a sharp mind and Crais wondered if the others had ever appreciated that.
Jool
brought a smile to his face, apart from her irritating scream, which at the
best of times just gave him a pounding headache, she seemed to have accepted
him easier. Then again, she had not known him before. Preoccupied with herself,
life seemed to be partitioned in friend or foe, good or bad, and science;
complicated, by the lack of complication.
The
smile continued to curl around his lips when he thought of Chiana. Yes, she
could be irritating at times. It was possibly due to his own seriousness that
he found it difficult to accept her life’s exuberance and joy. Now he would
welcome her laughter and her cheerfulness.
Even
Ka D’Argo’s gruffness. The big Luxan had never trusted him. Had taken every
opportunity he could to attack him when they met. And yet, he had seen the
respect in his eyes of one warrior to another when Crais had stepped up next to
Crichton and Aeryn.
Ah,
yes, Aeryn. He wondered if she had ever forgiven him that Talyn had chosen him
instead of her. Somehow, he doubted that. And, although her life was so much
more enriched when she became part of Moya's crew, he doubted if she had ever
forgiven him for condemning her Irreversibly Contaminated. With hindsight he
knew it had worked well for her but there had always been friction about that
part. He knew she had defended him at times to the Moya-crew. Ex-Peacekeepers
stick together; there was no one else to understand them. He mused whether she
had gone back to loving the Other Crichton, the one who had stayed on Moya, the
one who had not died.
In
the end, she had finally understood Crais, had understood his motives. He and
Talyn had nothing left to lose, except for their pride and their lives. Crais
had vowed never to leave Talyn alone, never to have him collared and become a
mindless creature to the whim of the Peacekeepers. He had kept his vow. A
warrior’s death had been the only option.
He
had savoured her look of understanding, could still feel the gentle touch of
her hand on his cheek and remembered her words, “Now you go.”
He
sighed and stood up, started pacing the deck. His footsteps and Talyn’s normal
vibrations were the only sounds that filled Command.
He
sat down on the recliner again. For a moment he looked around at the empty
space, only the lights flashing from the consoles. He found that lately he had
been talking to Talyn aloud, if only to hear another voice speaking in a
language he could understand. He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly,
such reflections would only lead to madness and he had vowed to himself never
to tread that road again. It was becoming hard not to.
He
leaned back against the bulkhead. Crichton’s face came to his mind.
By
now Crais had admitted to himself that, because of his obsession with work and
the Leviathan project and to prove that he was better than any first-gen
Peacekeeper; it had already set him on the path of madness before Crichton
appeared.
Crichton
ramming into Tauvo’s Prowler…
No, no. He placed his hands over his face; it had been an accident. He had
already accepted that, no use going over that again.
His
hands dropped away and he took a deep breath to compose himself.
Crichton.
The
man had pushed him over the edge. He had not realized at the time how little he
had needed to fall over the brink of the abyss. The death of Tauvo had been
traumatic in itself; he had been his last connection to family and family life,
to sanity. Somewhere along the line this had brought home to him that the
Peacekeeper Force was just an empty shell. He had pushed himself, his Carrier
and all on board, to hunt the Human down, to atone for his failure to protect
his brother. Nothing else had mattered.
He
drew a hand over his face. He could understand the animosity of the Human; he
could understand his own feelings towards the Human. Accepting the death of
your brother as an accident was not the same as having to accept the one who
had killed him. It had festered between them for a long time, and it was only
during their experiences together that the Crichton on Talyn and Crais had come
to a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other. He had not had that
same time with the Crichton on board Moya and it didn’t look as if that was
going to change in the near future.
He
wondered what it would be like if he met the other Crichton again. Would he
still want to bait Crais and see if he could rile his anger? Would Crais still
see him as one who had pushed him into this predicament?
Talyn
chirped and Crais disengaged privacy mode, “What is it Talyn?”
~I
have found another planet with biped life-signs. The air seems to be
breathable. Do you want to go down?~
Crais sighed, “Yes, I will, Talyn. Thank you.”
~You’re
welcome~
Talyn
was silent for a little while ~Crais?~
“Yes,
Talyn?”
~Will
we ever find my mother and the others?~
Crais
shook his head slowly, “I don’t know, Talyn. I hope we do.”
~So
do I. I miss them~
Crais
sighed and smiled, “I miss them too.”
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StarBurst Inside The Command Carrier
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Captain Bialar Crais